The Voices Within
Short Stories Recounting the Depths of Mental Health
I Won’t Drink at Church
I feel a peace at the church. I don’t feel this kind of peace at home. None of my problems went away during the couple of hours that I sat there alone, but somehow I felt better about everything. Maybe it was the excited chatter of kids up and down the halls. Maybe it was the songs they sang? No, I’ve always felt this way in churches.
Clinging to Beauty
It’s easier to breathe outside. God’s beautiful artwork highlights the sky and dots the ground. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly. As I exhaled, I pictured all my problems leaving with my breath. I was paused, frozen in time, clinging to God’s creation as an escape from the stresses of life.
Make Me Broken
I was searching for comfort in all the wrong places. My soul felt empty. I tried filling it with alcohol. I tried “living my best life” on wonderful vacations. I tried gaining accomplishments. Checking boxes. I tried pretending I was not only fine but great. I tried numbing the pain. I tried leaving it all behind. I tried running from everyone who might see. Each worked for a little while. But then I just needed more and more to reach the same emotional high. With every new thing I tried, I just felt more and more empty. Nothing was good enough.
I Guess I’ll Try Again Tomorrow
I look at the clock, 3 hours until it’s time to go home. I’m so tired. I can’t wait to get home, wind-down, and relax. But when I get home I need to make supper, help with homework, do laundry, and wash dishes. Does it ever end? When do I get a break? Even when I’m physically not doing anything, my brain won’t stop thinking, worrying, running through the scripts, evaluating conversations-both real and anticipated. There’s only one way to make it stop.
Why Does This Hurt So Much?
My soul hurts. I don’t know how it got this way. I don’t know how to change it either. It feels like a physical wound inside my chest. Something must be broken in there. I can picture the shattered pieces of my heart splattered on the walls of my chest cavity, blood dripping down. Is my heart still beating?
