I Guess I’ll Try Again Tomorrow
My head is spinning. I have so much to do, so much is weighing on me. My oldest thinks she has to take care of me. But I’m the parent. I need to step it up. I’m so tired. It’s hard to get out of bed every morning. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I’m just weak. Unmotivated.
I drag myself out of bed each morning. I go through the motions of getting dressed, putting on my make-up, and doing my hair. I drive to work and put my happy, put-together face on. Nobody here knows my struggles. I do my job well.
I look at the clock, 3 hours until it’s time to go home. I’m so tired. I can’t wait to get home, wind-down, and relax. But when I get home I need to make supper, help with homework, do laundry, and wash dishes. Does it ever end? When do I get a break? Even when I’m physically not doing anything, my brain won’t stop thinking, worrying, running through the scripts, evaluating conversations-both real and anticipated. There’s only one way to make it stop.
It’s 5 o’clock. I begin the long drive home. I crank the radio to keep myself awake. I get home and walk in the door. Kids start firing off questions. One is mad because his brother won’t leave him alone. Another wants to know if she can watch tv. Can they have a snack or is it too close to supper-time? The dogs are barking. Someone just started screaming. Pure chaos. I can’t quite catch my breath. Where’s the nearest cliff to jump off of? I lean on the counter and cover my face with my hands. How am I supposed to function constantly on edge? Paralyzed.
I give in. I give up. I dig in the back of the fridge for that bottle of wine that I swore I wouldn’t touch today. I reach in the cabinet for the biggest glass I can find and pour until it’s full. As I take my first sip I close my eyes and sigh in relief.
I guess I’ll try to quit again tomorrow.
Meet the Author
Megan grew up in rural Wisconsin where she was always known as the quiet girl with a book in her hands. Now Megan is working on her lifelong dream of becoming the author of her very own book. Out of her own struggle with trauma and mental health, she created the Jordan Crossings Blog to empower those who are healing from trauma and educate Christians on how to minister to those who are hurting.
