Does God Really See Me?

Have you felt rejected by God?

Have you ever prayed fervently just to feel like your prayer wasn’t answered?

Has rejection from God’s people ever left you feeling like you were rejected by God Himself?

Have you spent much of your faith journey feeling like the church was a club you’re just waiting to be kicked out of? Or one you weren’t allowed to enter in the first place?

Have you ever heard the words, “The Holy Spirit didn’t prompt me to invite you.”? (Ouch.)

As the worship music played, lyrics about God defeating anxiety and depression filled the room…problems I have struggled with for decades. I was assured repeatedly that God could and would heal me of these ailments. So why hasn’t He?

I silently prayed for someone to see my suffering, to come pray for me, to talk to me, to comfort me, to show me I was loved. It had been a rough year of healing, recovery, and the loss of friends. A lifetime of rejection had built up over the years, leaving a gaping, friend-sized hole in my heart. I knew, logically, that God was my friend, loved me, and wouldn’t reject me. However, not having seen that kind of love from humans left me unable to transfer that knowledge to my heart.

Looking around the room, I saw people scattered in various groups. Some were groups of two praying for each other. Others were larger groups huddled around one person with hands laid on them, praying for healing. And there I stood…alone.

As the service ended and others were chattering about the great healing that took place, I couldn’t help but wonder, God, why didn’t You choose me? Why am I always left broken and alone? Why am I not healed? Do You really see me? Do You really love me? These are real questions I wrestled with.

The truth is that God loved and chose me even before He made the world (Ephesians 1:4). God is always with me (Joshua 1:9). God made me a new person when I was transformed through Jesus so that I could do the things He planned for me (Ephesians 2:10).

No, God did not reach down and immediately take all the pain away, just like He didn’t reach down and remove what was ailing Paul even though Paul repeatedly prayed for its removal (2 Corinthians 12:8). God’s response to Paul’s prayers was,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 12:9.

Since this worship service, I have taken these questions to God over and over again. These are hard questions, but God is strong enough to handle them. Do you want to hear what God told me? No, it wasn’t an audible voice or a lightning bolt moment. It was a soft whisper in my soul when I prayed.

“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” -1 Kings 19:11-13

God did, in fact, have great plans for me that He laid out before my birth. God has called me to help the hurting. He has called me to counsel people with His word. He has called me to sit with the suffering. Do you know what the main qualification is for doing these things well? Understanding suffering.

Yes, God is healing me. But my healing won’t be done until the day I get to heaven. Healing is part of the sanctification process. God is walking me through deep healing the hard way so I know how to lead the people who are coming behind me through it.

He’s calling me to be a light to lead the way. As I follow the great light of Jesus, some of His light shines through me to light the path of the people behind me. They may be watching me as they follow, but ultimately, they will look ahead of me and find that the source of the light is Jesus.

Although it’s still not fun to go through trials and hard times, I no longer think that there must be something wrong with me. I know it’s not a rejection from God. It’s a plan…a calling that I’m being refined for. God does see me. He’s working on me every day. It’s hard work, but I’m not doing it alone.

How can I be a friend to those who are lonely if I’ve never felt lonely?

How can I comfort those who are grieving if I’ve never grieved?

How can I sit with the suffering if I’ve never suffered?

How is God calling you to use your suffering?

I would love if you’d share in the comments below.

Meet the Author

Megan grew up in rural Wisconsin, where she was always known as the quiet girl with a book in her hands. Now, Megan is working on her lifelong dream of becoming the author of her very own book. Out of her own struggle with trauma, addiction, and mental health, she created the Jordan Crossings Blog to empower those who are healing from trauma and educate Christians on how to minister to those who are hurting. Megan is a chosen child of God, writer, speaker, trauma survivor, mental health advocate, foster mom, and fire wife.